Like most people, I’m sick of spam. I’m afraid to open up any inbox that I have because I know I’m going to see a deluge of spam. I have filters in place, but they only do so much. As a result, I end up deleting lots of emails, some of which are legit and responses to my blog. It pains me to think of all of the emails from nice people I probably delete because I don’t want the hassle of wading through all of the garbage emails
Listen, spammers: I’m not your girl. I don’t want what you’re selling and before you send another email, you should know these things about me:
1. I don’t need a penis traction because I’m a woman and we don’t use those. My husband doesn’t need it either because he has no clue of what it is.
2. I’m financially secure, so I don’t need a bank loan from Nigeria. And, why would I wire you $1,000 if you’re the one offering money to me?
3. We live below our means and are modest people, so we won’t be taking that $15,000 per person Mediterranean cruise that a certain travel agency keeps sending. That would be $60,000 for a family of four, not unless you expect us to leave our kids at home.
4. This is an autism/motherhood blog. Stop sending me links to porno sites where people have sex with things that are not human.
5. I do not speak Mandarin. Did you not notice that my blog is in English? Hello!
6. I am a Black, American woman. Why would I want a subscription to a magazine for White, German women?
7. I don’t want a fake Louis Vuitton bag. I don’t like anything fake. Fakes cheat the brand name out of millions of dollars and are illegal. Did you know that? Of course you do.
8. I don’t need a bigger, better, faster blog. Enough with the web services solicitations! Heck, I can barely keep up with the features I have now.
9. I don’t want solar panels on my home. Even if I did, I wouldn’t buy them from a company that spams me. Take a hint.
10. I don’t want your emails, period. It’s offensive to bombard people with unwanted information that’s 100% useless.
Just thought you might want to know these details about me. Now I bet I get more spam as a result.
P.S. Just for the record, I actually enjoy the Spam you eat. It’s delicious!